Thursday, March 19, 2009

People-pleaser? Me?

For the majority of my life, I felt like I was living for everyone else.  I was constantly trying to please people-- my family, my friends, my church.  I didn't work hard in school because I WANTED to make good grades; I did it because I knew it would make people proud of me.  I didn't act out in class because I knew it would please my teachers if I didn't.  I did anything and everything that was asked of me (within reason) whether I truly wanted to or not.  Don't misunderstand; I wasn't a total doormat.  Just a partial one.  Certain people in my life could walk all over me, and I would never stand up for myself.  It really killed me on the inside.

About a year and a half ago, I totally and completely changed.  Those people that I used to let walk all over me are not given the opportunity anymore because they are no longer a part of my life.  At all.  I no longer try to please people like I did.  Sure, I want my family to be proud of me, and I take their feelings about my actions into consideration constantly, but just because something I do or do not do may disappoint them does not stop me from doing it anymore.  I am my own person.  This is my life and no one else's.  I will not be walked on, and I will not let anyone control how I live my life. 

God has opened my eyes to so many things over this time period.  I have changed in every aspect of my life.  Some people may think it's a bad change, but it's definitely not.  I am MUCH more comfortable in my own skin.  Where I used to live a life full of insecurity, I am now confident.  Where I used to try to live my life for others, now I live my life for me.  Where I used to let people walk all over me, now I stand up for myself.  I may not look like Heidi Klum or Tyra Banks, but I am beautiful.  I am happy with who I am because God made me this way for a purpose.  God has allowed things to take place in my life that nearly broke me as a person so that I could become stronger once I overcame those things.  He loves me, and I love me, and nothing or no one will ever change that. 

1 comment:

  1. I decided to catch up on your blog, and I'm so glad I read this post. It really, truly spoke to me. I used to be exactly like that, too! I care a lot more now about what God thinks and not what everybody else thinks. So glad you think that way, too!